I like to copy people.

Voni's recent blog post got me thinking, it is the end of the '00s and it doesn't seem right, tomorrow is a new decade. I'm only 14 yet I've lived through 3 decades (nearly) and that makes me feel old... this year has been very full on. I went through so many emotions this year that I can't describe, people who know me could tell you some of this but since I never really told anyone about the deepest, darkest feelings, no-one could tell you that. I know some will not care or assume, never really bothered me too much. I guess now I'm not in a state to blog because I am sooooo 'effing pissed off now, at someone who shall be nameless, that I want to rip their head off. Some people are also annoying me with their hypocrisy, telling one person to get over someone and there's plenty of other people but not following the same "advice", I think the biggest hypocrisy happened this year because so many people where hypocrites, me alot too, and it seems unfair. I really do want to go back in time and change some mistakes I've had, from the big ones to the same ones, things I've said to people that they still remember today and won't let go for example, among others. I don't know if this is now something you're supposed to get used to but when someone asks you out somewhere, they are meant to tell you where and when? I've been invited places but never told anything else so I always end up sitting at home bored. This must be the 3rd or 4th time in these 2 weeks from the same person, wondering if to always expect it now. I will go now, food calls so guess I'll write next year <3 ~~

Sometimes.

I wish life was more perfect, it is pretty okay right now with my operation going well and all but I mean sometimes I just want to be able to look at myself and smile, proud of myself for once in my life. I think I rarely find people who I truely can talk to and connect with, if I do, I usually lose them really easily or they hurt me and it's happened so much over just 14 years, I find it hard to open up in general. You probably think "Ha! She thinks she's had pain, wait 'till she's in her 30s and 40s, watch how her children will one day hurt around and say they hate her or someone you truely love abandons you, watch then." I understand what I've gone through, in silence on my own, is nothing compared to some things but at the end of the day, people you thought would understand you and you trusted them with so much went and decided they hate you for silly reasons and all ganged up on you has an effect. It has happened to me many times through my life, in primary my supposed best friend made fun of me for stupid reasons and ran away from me for I don't know what reasons, I guess I hadn't known her too long then but I never done any harm in primary to anyone. Secondary was different, I never mean to hurt anyone but I guess I did deserve it, no matter what people say now. I guess I have forgiven them, they might call me names behind my back and my friends might say bad things about some people who've hurt me but I don't want to say anything bad about them, or just anything about them in general, what's done is done and I can't help how things turned out. I do regret things, some things I wish that would go away from my mind but no, I'll be fine. I am issues, I tell myself everyday and always wonder how I have any friends and especially such a amazing boyfriend, I never forget how lucky I am to have people in my life. Trust is what I seem to value most, never got as much as I wanted and if I ever told anyone anything, I'd usually get it thrown back in my face or if I spilled my soul out to someone, they'd turn away from me. Even people I don't care about somewhat hurt me just because they could've helped but decided not to and it hurts me knowing I can help a friend but at the same time, I don't know to say or my best efforts mean nothing as this person isn't really listening to what I'm saying. Some people are too self-centered with me too but I tend to try to not get attention to myself, I try not to talk about myself either, sometimes I have to and sometimes it's accidental attention.

Meh, this is long and all crap rants that make no sense, I try to be a happy person but sometimes I have to just talk like this, say it all out but not to a face or a person, guess that's why I love the internet, maybe someone will read it but it doesn't matter if no-one does, guess it's better that way anyway.

Hahahahhaha.

I'm still happy, for once in my stupid messed up life... I am happy.
My birthday was amazing, I thank the people who were there and who organised it for they are wonderful, it really was a surprise! <3

Urm... hopefully it all works out.
I'm still bored though, my house can be so boring sometimes.
Especially as every halloween gets worse and worse and I LOVE Halloween, more than the other holidays. Oh well, guess I'll have to make the best of it.

^.^ <3

What can I say this time?

I want to vlog, it'd be so cool if I did that sorta thing, always wanted to but never got around to it and then never have time D:
My life is getting better, for sure, but I'm still as insecure (unsure what word should go here really) as I always have been. Meh, I don't even know what to say, I don't feel like I have many friends as it is as everyone seems to be some ... inside and talk behind your back all the time, well I guess somethings never change, some are unexpected while some are same old.

I DONT KNOW WHAT IM SAYING! T-T

Birthday: 20th of this month, yay...
Operation: 27th of November, finally...

Again, for someone.

"Then you should have died! Died, rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you!" ~ Joanne Kathleen Rowling

Urm.

I never have a catchy title or anything for my blog, sometimes I don't even know what to say at all. Some people mean alot to me but don't wake up and see the world isn't all about them, need to believe some more and not think so bad of themselves, I guess me included really but I never listen to my own advice. Blehhh, nothing works in the end because no-one listens to me or cares about me. Maybe it's lucky that no-one will ever read this too, haaa. I read people's blogs, they interest me, I don't really know why but people interest me, I try to 'help' all I can but that's never really worked out. Sometimes actions are just louder than words but sometimes words are all I have, some people don't consider this either but that doesn't matter. I'm pretty useless too, guess people know that too since they never come to me for help.

Hahaa, I'm being emo-ish now o.o
Bye.

Well.

No-one blogs anymore, it's not even fun in a sense anymore either or I just don't want to type, I did once... alot, but who would read it? Strangers over people I know, they are quick to judge but atleast I won't ever have to meet them, most likely. People I talk to may read some of mine and disagree or be angry, and so on therefore no-one blogs because people they know read it and it's just not... personal anymore?

To a certain someone:
Ignorance - Paramore

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well, I guess I'll make my own way
It's a circle, a mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me
Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same
No, we're not the same
No, well, we're not the same
We're the friends who stuck together,
We wrote our names in blood,
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good, it's good

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go,
I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go,
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend,
Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened;
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person, but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well, now I can fend for myself

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know we're not the same
No, we're not the same
No, well, we're not the same
Yeah, we used to stick together,
We wrote our names in blood,
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good
It's good, it's good

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
Well, I guess I'll go,
I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
Well,I guess I'll go,
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend,
Ignorance is your new best friend.
Ignorance is your new best friend,
Ignorance is your new best friend.

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
Well, I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger,
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir
I guess I'll go,
I best be on my way out

ohaithere,

Thanks to Vonii on her good luck stuffs about my operation!

Anyway, about that... I have scoliosis, which I may have mentioned before. It's when your back isn't straight and is in an 's' shape, read this if you care.


So I won't be blogging for awhile, even if I still need to be given a date... I don't blog much nowadays anyway so mehh.

~ Maiki Fwakingu Wei <3

(still undecided if I like the new MCR songs or not)

ohsz.

you think i'm anuptaphobic or something?

"The fear of being alone or marrying the wrong person in life."

(i do have a fear of the second bit, don't think so about the first, i just hate being alone... on my own, no friends or love of any sort)

Yet, I am alone.
Forever.


p.s.
is anyone erythrophobic here or know someone who is? or even melanophobic...?
(can i scare them?)

Epic.

So now I've lost a best friend and am (considered) dead, how fun is that?!

Julyyy.

I posted not anywhere near as much as I did in May, same with everyone else. Bring on July... right?

summerholidays<3

ReplyToVeЯ

ItIsSomeoneICanNotNameNames.

Hello...

You hurt me,
You really hurt me.
With all the words you said,
All the lies I faked.
Believe me, like no-one does,
Accept the facts as they are.
For I have given up,
BrokenBadly.

x

Hey, VeЯ.

ImNotTellingYou.

Pictures of Brugge. - The Ninhjas rule!

Abi. Can. Use. A. Phone.

Daria (Dasha from this point forward) really loved this picture, lol.

Alison and Shannon. =]

Peoplez. When this is small (on my phone screen), it actually looks like Dasha is smoking, lol.

Nearly everyone that are my good class friends. From left to right: Dasha, Jonu, Laura, Voni, Ren and Shannon (not actually in Ninh but still).

Abi and Alison.

Enanga, I think she was talking when I said I'm taking a picture of you xD.

PEOPLEZ.

Weird house and Victoria's face-ish.

Horse. It's the best picture anyone could've got of it, when I put my camera down, I thought the thing was gonna fricking KILL me or something as it was that close.

Swan duck things.

Horses, there are alot.

Close-up SWAN.

Horse eating...

Eating more...

And more.

CAKESS!! I wanted to go in so bad.

SHINYYY!!

Biscuits and Cookies and Stuff.

Massive chocolate shopp!!

Somuchofit.

Big statue thing in the church.

The painting thingy that's apparently special.

It be the Altar and lalalaaaa.

Yeahhhhhh...

I don't know either.

Horses, they obsess over them here.

Standing and the RED ice cream van. =o

Fake mannnnnnn.

I said I would upload it, I had enough of a second to take this, with this being her reaction (she didn't want anyone to take any and I got a perfect shot).

SOMUCHCHOCOLATE!

Dollssssss.

I was talking to Enanga and Victoria about how none of the pictures above (that I'd taken so far) had me in it and that was a shame then randomly took this while talking and eating the candy thing that made me really hyper on the shuttle back home.

Therefore I decided us three needed to take this picture, lol.

Lols at my friends not noticing.

Closeupyonduckyandswany.

Abiz and Briiz. (I look short, I need to learn to stand up properly, just because my back isn't straight, doesn't mean I can't stand up properly v.v)

BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME NOT TO. Also 'coz she looks kinda evil... lol.

GREEENNNN!

Graveyard.

Look at the eyes, they are wonderful.

Dasha's eyes and Jonu's face ... lol.

This is more or less all of the Ninhjas <3.
I nearly fell so I'm sorry Abi for basicly pushing you outta the picture in a sense, you are a good friend.

Jonu being all emo 'coz it's 'cool' now v.v

Like I said...

Then Dasha does it v.v

Me and Dashaaa, yaayy!

Dasha, Me and Jonuuu. (I was listening to Last Summer by LostProphets at the time, lol)

Then they all came along and kicked me behind the camera again... how nice of them. Dasha, Abi, Jonu and Ren.

Abi's bright red coat turns PINK!! XD

Me and Abiz are all blurryy noww... sucks.

We struggled for abit so Ms. Duff (our french teacher) took it for us, alot of the time she was laughing and smiling at us, the look in her eyes make me think she was remember her and her best friend like that sometime ago...

They went crazy, basicly. (They told me to delete it... HA!)

Mr. Horseford (our form tutor) asked about my Mindless Self Indulgence hoodie 'Is it a band?' and then he was looking at the tour dates at the back, then everyone crowded 'round and I put my hood up so they could see and it ended up with my hair being like this so Ms. Duff found some glasses to put on me and Abi took the picture. Thank you all!

I would explain the trip but I'm too tired and there's not much to say, I'll let the photos tell the story.